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When one of both partners is suffering from ADHD, this could have detrimental effects on the relationship. On the one hand, there are several characteristics in such a relationship, which should be paid sufficient attention to. On the other hand, ADHD may influence your relationship positively. It is only a matter of acknowledgeing the positive elements and focusing on those, instead of on the negative effects.
Negative aspects:
• Impulsitivy: ADHDers only think about the consequences of their actions afterwards. This may lead to outcomes, they did not set out for consciously. Should they have stopped to think first, the consequences would have been less worse.
• Need for stimulation: An ADHDer needs excitement, action, novelties. At the beginning of a relationship that is no problem whatsoever. Everything is thrilling and there are so many things left to discover. Once the relationship is no longer new to the ADHDer, it quickly becomes a drag, and he or she is not motivated anymore to pay much attention to the partner.
• Seeking conflicts: one of the consequences of this need for stimulation is that ADHDers tend to seek conflicts. When the partner says ‘black’, he or she will say ‘white’, in an attempt to provoke a discussion and action.
• Forgetfulness: Due to his concentration deficit, an ADHDer forgets a great deal. This can be very annoying, for example, when making certain agreements, or when trying to remember where you have put things. People’s names are hard to remember as well.
• Bad communication skills: ADHDers find it hard to keep on listening attentively to their partner. One thought pops into their head after another at raging speed. Translating those thoughts into words is not that evident to an ADHDer either, since they are verbally not as gifted as other people.
• Lack of organisation: structure and organisation are no talents of ADHDers. Mostly, they are rather chaotic and this is reflected in their keeping track of things.
• Unfinished chores: Most of the time, they start something off, filled with enthusiasm, only to see something else interesting shortly after, and to leave the first chore unfinished. Of course, this will lead to immense irritation with the partner, who always has to finish everything, whereas the ADHDer is already busy doing something else.
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